In our world today it seems that the institution of marriage is loosing its color. How else can one describe with the ever increasing rate of divorce and people who choose to live together but refuse to say the words “I DO”.
We are showing clearly our loss of faith in the union that was designed for our joy and greater productivity.
I heard something in a podcast by a Pastor in London Leke Sanusi. He wrote two statements which are the same but mean different things. The statements are;
Woman without her man is nothing.
Man says – Woman, without her man, is nothing.
Woman says – Woman, without her, man is nothing.
Same statement but different meaning depending on how you see it.
The lesson here is that if you see marriage as a blessing it will bless you; if you see it as a burden, it will cause you pain.
So like every other good thing we have been bestowed with, it’s not the thing but how we see it that matters. How we view things will affect how we handle it.
Let’s do some little checks here;
How many people get married with the intention to getting a divorce after they marry? I am in doubt if anyone would want to do that.
Why then do we see people who love each other so passionately at the beginning get married and later hate each other so much as to get divorced or separated? Many times vowing not to ever set eyes on the other person.
The answer is Lack of understanding. You can’t marry your spouse if you do not understand the institution called marriage.
An excellent marriage is not a perfect one, it is one that is improving everyday because both parties understand themselves and also understand what marriage entails
We need to see marriage the way God sees it. God, the grand overall designer as my mentor Paul Martinelli would refer to him, created marriage to be a blessing not a burden.
Basics of the institution called marriage:
1. Marriage is God’s idea. He imagined it, fashioned it and designed it for our pleasure.
2. Marriage is a good thing. God calls it a good thing. It adds tremendous value to living dealing first with loneliness and enhancing our spirituality.
3. God designed marriage for a purpose. That’s where the cross of the matter lies. Why marriage? Cause not knowing why something exists leads to abuse. Why did you get married. What drove that desire. If it does not line with what God designed it for, then it is headed for trouble.
4. Marriage was designed for 2 people – Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. That’s clearly my opinion based on what the Bible which I believe is the word of God declares. We may choose to disagree but calling white black does not change the fact does it.
5. Marriage is for life. Yes it is. INEC you say I do, you’re done. This why you must be clear and certain before you embark on the journey with anyone. Only death truly terminates the institution of marriage.
May I urge you to put in the efforts required to make your marriage work rather seeking or engaging in stuff that would wreck it.
The rules of marriage
Rule 1: Be compassionate. Husbands love your wife…how? As Christ loves the church that he gave…
The book 5 Love Languages talks tonis about how each person experiences love and compassion. For some it’s Words, others feel love through Touch, some other brought Gifts, while some get it through acts of service and some more through Time spent together.
If you love your spouse then take the effort to find out how they want to be loved and go ahead and love them that way.
Rule 2: communicate often. The oil of every human interaction is communications. I can’t know you until I hear you. When it comes to marriage talk is not cheap, talk is needed. When you fail to make communication consistent, you will find yourselves gradually growing apart. This is because we know ourselves more by what we reveal to each other through constant communication.
Rule 3: Compliment each other. Everyone needs to know they are valued. My wire would often say to me; I’m not the Holy Spirit. I won’t know if you don’t tell me. That’s works especially for components. Take the time to compliment each other by giving the needed encouragement through words of affirmation. This may just be telling your significant other that you love them. For many of us this can be a challenge but what I know is that we can learn it if we give it the effort needed.
Rule 4: Compromise when needed.
Marriage must be win/win my friend. You can’t always want to have your way over the other party and want them to be happy. Always find a way to create a win/win situation in every circumstance.
Never get in the habit of trying hard to win the battle and then loose the war. You may need to loose some battles so you can smile at the end of the battle.
Rule 5: Show you care. And how best to do this than to always give of yourself through acts of service. What are you doing to make life easier for your spouse? Do you really care how they fare? Do you consider their feelings? Remember the quote by Myer Angelou? People don’t rennet what you said, people don’t remember what you did but they never forget how you made them feel.
Have you taken time to find out how your spouse feels about what you do or say? You need to know that if you truly want to marry your spouse.
Rule 6: Cooperation is the spice of being together. That’s because it helps you grow stronger and healthier.
When God created man and gave him a wife it’s so she could be his help meet. See Gen 2:15-24 in the Bible.
Do not deny yourself the opportunity for greater impact by running things alone and apart from your spouse.
One thing I have personally discovered in my 20 plus years in marriage to the same person is that once we are in agreement, productivity is greatly enhanced.
Let me conclude this by sharing with you my three tips for marital bliss. And please understand that this is Bible based as of course you know very well that I draw my inspiration from that book.
1. Never Retaliate. Learn to forgive everything. People are bound to err cause they are human just like you. So make room for that a d adjust where needed. Stop the grudge; it won’t help you.
2. Do more than is required. The best place to practice going the extra mile is in marriage. Do more for your spouse. Do for them what they can’t do for themselves. That shows your really care.
3. Be kind and forgive. Again over look offenses. Show kindness. Be gentle.
Do not just get married be married. Marriage is not just fulfill an obligation. Make it joyful and interesting. Marry your spouse.